I got a call last week to sub at a school I am familiar with. So, I accept the job with high hopes. When I walked in to the school, I had no idea that this would be any different than any other day. Boy, was I mistaken!
The teacher was in the room when I arrived, preparing to leave for a day of meetings. It seemed cool enough until she said, off-handedly, "By the way, one third of the room is special needs students, and the educational assistant called in sick."
A little alarm went off in my head. (ding,ding,ding) Alone in a room of 25 or 26 students and no one to help with the profoundly challenged students in the room? Not a pleasant situation.
For the uninitiated, there is a mountain of case law designed to protect the educational needs of these students. That is as it should be. The difficulty arises for the teacher who is responsible for the safety and well-being of these children. If anything goes awry in the classroom, and God KNOWS there are so many things that can go awry, the lawsuits are aimed at the unsuspecting member of the Legion of Substitute Teachers. Yes, the lowly LOST is the unprotected loser in this equation.
Before anyone gets their hackles up, picture this: you have a brittle diabetic child in the room, a student with the mental faculties of a three year old, a young boy with ADHD who is prone to tantrums, another boy who has special needs that will run out of the classroom and away from the campus on a whim, three or four other students who have various learning difficulties and emotional challenges. And that's not even factoring in the other eighteen students who need your attention and protection! Do we see the possibility of risk in this situation? I think so!
What did I do? I stayed. It was two minutes before the bell rang and I didn't know what to do and I surely didn't know my rights as a LOST. After school ended, I went home and had an adult beverage. I then called the central district office for substitute teachers. I asked them to look into this type of situation and inform me what I should do if faced with this kind of dilemma in the future. I will post the outcome of that conversation on the blog.
In my next posting, I will give the delightful details of this assignment. It was so unreal that it seems more like fiction than fact. How I wish it had been fabricated...
OK, so what's the next thing that we can use to keep our sanity as a substitute teacher? As a member of the LOST (Legion of Substitute Teachers), we are truly on our own. So many types of people have support groups. Have you ever heard of a support group for substitute teachers? No? See, we're on our own here.Let's see, what kind of things do students do that we need to be aware of? Oh, not bringing supplies to class! That's always a favorite. "Mrs. P., I don't have a pencil." "Mrs. P., I don't have any paper." Well, I will concede and give a pencil if needed. There's no use in fighting that battle. Otherwise, no work gets done at all. How convenient to just sit there and do nothing because one fails to bring a pencil to school. Sigh.... Luckily, students often drop pencils on the floor, so I've been known to harvest those for later use. (Teachers are scavengers at heart)As for paper. Well, I don't stock paper. Unless I know that a student is a hardship case, I feel that it's their responsibility to bring a piece of paper to class! So, if a student asks for paper, and I know their family isn't totally destitute, I ask them to get a piece of paper from someone sitting nearby. That problem is solved...What behavior can I discuss that subs find upsetting. OK, wandering around the room. This needs to be nipped in the bud quickly. Otherwise, in a room of young students, there will be seven or eight wraiths drifting about the room with no particular place to go. LOST's need to ask immediately, "excuse me, young man or young woman, FREEZE! Exactly what is it you need?" As soon as they answer, and I determine what needs to be done for the individual, I proceed to escort him or her back to their desk. Young children are like crickets, one jumps up and nine others think it's OK for them to jump up, too. Stop the wanderers as quickly as humanly possible. Your intervention also signals to the class that you're not asleep at the wheel and they will begin to show you a bit more attention.Hope this edition of random thoughts and whines has been of some use to a poor LOST who's out there looking for guidance. Talk to you again soon!Aloha,MMcP
There was an old cartoon character called Felix the Cat. Felix was a naughty lil' fellow whose claim to fame was a "bag of tricks."
In order to hone my skills as a member of the LOST (Legion of Substitute Teachers), I will discuss the bag o' tricks needed as a sub in a classroom.
First, a sub needs to know the students' bag of tricks: a) endless bathroom breaks; b) thousands of treks to the water fountain; c) forays to the nurse's office; d) mandatory expeditions to the electric pencil sharpener.
LOST's need to have the moxie to keep these stalling techniques to a minimum. The students know that if they keep asking to do one, or all four, of these things, they can guarantee that the sub will either lose his or her mind, and/or no work will get done.
The first trick in our bag is: a) No bathroom breaks for 45 minutes of class. Then, if you have a younger group, take them ALL to the bathroom at the same time. If there are some who don't want to go to the bathroom, offer water breaks at that time. Hence, when you return to the room in 10 to 15 minutes, all requests should have been filled. For older students, they can wait until recess for water and/or bathroom breaks since their bladders are more developed.
The next thing needed for a sub is, NO PENCIL SHARPENING AFTER THE BELL RINGS! Nothing is more irritating than the rrr-rrr-rrr-rrrr--rrrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrrrrrrr-rrrrrrrrr-ing of an electric pencil sharpener. And yes, it is possible to watch a student stand at the pencil sharpener and grind a new,six-inch pencil down to a nub AND STILL HAVE A BROKEN POINT ON THE *&^%$%! PENCIL! Do they know it's irritating? YES, that's why they do it. (The answer in a nutshell)
Finally, the obligatory request to see the nurse. If the student has blood on an "owie", the answer is yes. If they have a bug bite, are vomiting, are in tears, or look green, they can go to the nurse. Otherwise, it's probably a trick and you'll end up having five kids in the nurse's office by the end of the day.
For the edification of those who want to know; if you walk out of a classroom after seven hours without crying in front of students or administrators, you've had a successful day. Even if you do cry, you've had more experience at realizing what doesn't work.
We will discuss more of what is needed in a LOST's bag o' tricks at another posting.
What are you doing? No, what are YOU doing? It sounds like a Budweiser commercial but it's actually just a lonely substitute teacher making a phone call during lunch hour.
For those of you who don't know, unless you are a tenured or probationary teacher, you can become a substitute teacher in the blink of an eye. If there are no openings in your district, you are S.O.L. (If you're too young to know what this acronym means, ask your parents)
I like to think of myself as a member of the "legion of substitute teachers" something like the old "Legion of Substitute Heroes" comic book of, oh, so long ago. However, we have no cool costumes and it's only rumored that others like us exist. But, like Superman, we do have a "fortress of solitude." It's called the classroom you've been assigned to for the duration.
LOSTs (Legion of Substitute Teachers) often hide out in their given classroom during lunch so as not to be spotted by the principal and other administrators. This is when we make our furtive cell phone calls to see if the outside world is still in existence.
The only time LOSTs meet other teachers is when we are headed out the door at the end of another long day. If it wasn't for these interactions, it would be possible to be a ninja of sorts within any given public school setting. Of course, the students know someone was there. However, I would be willing to bet that not one person could ever recall the name of one of their substitute teachers. So, were we really there at all? Hmmmmm....
The good points of being a LOST? No lesson plans to prepare and no papers to correct at night. The down side? No benefits! However, if you need training for improv, walking cold into a room of thirty unknown students and maintaining order for seven hours is guaranteed to improve your skills!
